Bloody Well Write

Barney Frank, the 14-term Democratic congressmen from Massachusetts, is chairman of the House Financial Services Committee. He was on “60 Minutes” last week talking with Lesley Stahl about the possible auto industry bailouts. He made a comment that could just about be a mantra for the Democratic Party: “No, we’re not propping up companies. … We’re propping up individuals. The world doesn’t consist of companies. The world are people. The country is people.”

OK, so “The world are people” and “The country is people” aren’t exactly examples of exemplary grammar. They’re not the point of this discussion. The point is, for grammar’s sake, determining when to use “who” versus “what.”

Frank said it philosophically: Companies are not the focus. They are not, perhaps, worth saving. Individuals, on the other hand, are: They are (or should be) the focus, and they are (or, again, should be) worth saving. And individuals grouped together form companies, the country, the world.

Get to the point, you say. Well, companies are things, not people. They are each a “what” and, as such, should always be connected with “that”:

• “Companies who value employees” is incorrect.
• “Companies that value loyalty” is correct.

Frank’s heart was in the right place when he said, “The world are people. The country is people.” Unfortunately, those aren’t grammatically correct, either. Like companies, countries and worlds are things — not people — and deserve “it,” “what” and “that” as descriptors.

Conversely, people are each a “who,” not a “what or a “that.” Think of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”: It’s “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,” not “The Grinch That Stole Christmas.” All those Whos down in Whoville are “Whos,” not “Whats,” and they (the singing, happy Whos who care not a whit for presents or spangles or shiny toot-tooters) live in Whoville, not Whatville.

People (and Grinches) are whos. Companies and anything else that can’t move of their own volition are whats.

What about Max, the Grinch’s overworked dog? Is Max a who or a what? According to the AP Stylebook, Max has a name, so Max is a who. Even if we don’t know an animal’s name, as long as we know that the animal is a he or a she (or a used-to-be he or she), we still call it a who. Any animal without a given name and without a determined sex is considered a what.

So there’s the lowdown on “who” and “what.” Who knows what’s up with I Don’t Know, Because and Why? Those are for another day (maybe Tomorrow!).

Happy trails!

SAK

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